6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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