he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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