No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
