Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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