And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
