she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
worst night to have a conscience
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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