So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
