Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
