I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
dude. I can hear the air.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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