Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
