My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
