So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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