batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Randomize
