I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Randomize
