Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
