He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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