Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
