I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
