I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
