Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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