So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
