And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
