god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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