Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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