i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize