I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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