We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
