This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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