Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
