I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
