is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
