Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
