Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
