My nipple is on Facebook.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize