yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
