Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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