This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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