I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
