I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
