Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
