y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
