why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
