I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Someone shattered a urinal.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
