That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Randomize
