tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
