Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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