Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
