i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Randomize
