the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
