One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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