ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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