then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
