Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Randomize
