your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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