The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
