somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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