8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize