we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
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