Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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