tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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