I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
