found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
