C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
