Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I currently don't understand fingers.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
