i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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