Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize