I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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