i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
