Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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