my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize
