a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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