someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
