Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
