no, he came in my armpit
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
