So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
how drunk are you?
Several
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
