One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
