Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
