my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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