This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
