i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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