omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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