I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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