he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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