Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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