Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
