Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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