dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
