found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Randomize
