video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
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