I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize