I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
