I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
