I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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