I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
