hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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