P.S. I can't hear my feet
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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