is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
