Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
vagina is talking i cant
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Just pee around me
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Randomize
