just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dick very happy bro
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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