Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
