hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
