Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
