And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
