The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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